Motivate me please

This morning, while I drink my coffee I am trying to understand motivation. What motivates people to do what they do. Not the lifestyle stuff, eating well, exercise etc, but the motivation to be kind, mindful, or cruel, deceitful, helpful, or harmful.
Is there pleasure derived from being mean? causing harm? creating oppression? disconnection?

I know in nature animals will lash out when they feel threatened or are in pain. Aside from humans (and the occasional cat), very few species cruelly toy with each other for sport.

I think back over my life and all the experiences I have had. For better or worse, it seems to keep me more determined to be kind, thoughtful, engaged to truly see someone, to lend a hand, keep my heart open and to trust. I look at what I can be met with here, often it is joy, connection, creativity, challenge, growth, support. (my village❤️❤️)
But lately, my mission if you will, has lead me to the hard truths that my open heart, excitement, passion for connection, kindness, compassion will be misread, twisted, ignored, or turned back upon me to wound. This creates feelings of stupidity, sadness, and the wounded feel of trust being destroyed. It is here I get the urge, the urge to ‘be like everyone else’……

So what motivates me? To be seen. Not in a glorious, celebrity way, exalted, and worshipped. But to be seen for my heart, the love I offer to all, to be understood, my wounds, scars, how that has shaped me, recognized that I am far from perfect, but that I, like I believe most, just want to connect.

I am motivated by seeing the smile on someones face when they achieve something big for themselves.

I am motivated by seeing hope light someones eyes, where it was dim before.

I am motivated by the direct connection of a hug or holding someones hand, feeling the energy move between us. That direct link.

I am motivated by the relief on someone’s face when they realize that they are seen, accepted.

I am motivated to see the way I want to be seen, as a whole, flawed, worthy of compassion, love and understanding, creative being, waiting to connect.

I am motivated by love.