This is an uncertain time. It threatens to overwhelm anyone and everyone, but what about those with mental health issues? Anxiety, Depression and PTSD are difficult to manage on any given day, but watching the world be swept up by the very real fears of this pandemic. Fears about health, finance and scarcity. We are also reacting to those around us who feel like they are just hanging on. So what does this mean?
I am so grateful for the self work I have been doing in the last few months, it really made me look at what I can do to mitigate the monsters from taking over.
I have been setting up new boundaries, I have removed close contact to those who are not supportive and set off my anxiety. Long breaks from social media- reorganizing what is in my feed. Being mindful about limiting caffeine (this is a regular fail…. but I try), decreasing refined sugar and taking my vitamins and drinking water. Working at regular exercise (injury has made this hard but not impossible). Getting regular massage has been so important to decrease the pain, increase relaxation and connection with my body. Meditation and finding comfort within other aspects of my spiritual practice. Creative outlets like reading, writing and painting. More time with nature. Asking for what I need and being mindful of my actions. Trying to be of service to those around me.
Is it always a fail safe? No. But it’s what I have to work with. Refining this tool belt has been important, but I did not realize how much until now.
So in times like these how does that work? I am in contact with more people through out the day, offering support, and ear, a calm port. I have been on social media and news outlets much more than I have in the last couple of months. Caffeine has increased as I sip coffee mindlessly while voraciously reading what ever information I can find to give me an idea of what the future holds for my career (massage therapist) and family. My injuries have been in a flare up and exercise has gone by the way side. We have all been home together, eating comfort food. I have been taking vitamins, trying to get sleep, meditate, write (this has been somewhat frustrating), stick with my spiritual practices, be of help, but……
It is thin ice I am navigating. I would have to say that I have always been able to keep my preverbal shit together when there is a crisis, or big life shifts. My survival mode can carry me a long way. This could very well be where I am at. Months from now, there is a very real possibility that I will have a bad run of the monsters taking over for a good long while about seemingly meaningless stuff. What will really be happening, is all the emotion I may not be expressing/processing right now will find its way to the surface. But there is difference this time.
I am actually aware it is thin ice out here. That is a win, to be able to identify that I am in a place where I may get tripped up. So I am working very hard to stay within the boundaries I have set up for myself.
I still limit my social media interaction, I am only looking at real information, passing on what is needed. Still limiting my contact to where I feel safe. Taking breaks to put my phone and computer away. I know I am being sought out for comfort, and I will continue to be a service. Which has me accessing social media more than I should. I recognize, if I am tired or expose myself too much to the fear and panic prevailing out there I am no good to anyone. I must first create quiet within myself, so I step away.
Today I also recognized some of my comfort behaviours (food, lack of exercise, too much wine, not enough sleep) will lead me to not be able to hold off the monsters very well and slip into old patterns.
With my daughter being home it has been pretty easy to up my activity- but I think her and I will commit to at least 30 minutes of activity in a day, (not including outside- that is nature not gym class).
I will continue to observe my spiritual path and honour what I learn there, and try to apply it to my life.
Replace the social media distraction with creating of some kind , or quiet reading and reflection.
Working on connecting with my self and my family. We have all changed and grown so much over the last few years, I think we need a better reconnect. The outside world is much less a distraction as there is no where to go. We must enrich our inner worlds.
Love my body, and honour it, in all ways.
Practice kindness to my self and non judgment of others.
This is the ideal.
But realistically I am going hour by hour like everyone else in the world right now. Am I going to handle this incredibly intense period of time with grace? I know I am human, I will be ok, some of the time, and the rest of the time I am like everybody else. But I will come back to what I have been learning. Every time. I will come back.
We will come back. Have faith. Be kind. We will come back.
Standing Still at the Speed of Light 