why is expression so hard

I have always felt things intensely.
Joy, sorrow, love, pain, even the most mundane of emotions like boredom have a technicolor hue.
I know many people out there, us Empaths/Artists if you will, feel life as intensely as I do.
The gift/curse I have along with that is a love and decent talent for words.

Gift? Because it helps to get the intense feelings out of my head when I can explain them. Even the real good emotions, if not allowed to be expressed fill me up to the point of popping.
Gift? Because I know I have been able to entertain some as well. Sometimes even been blessed with being able to help others find their expression through my own.

Curse?
So easily I am misunderstood. Big, deep intense words get thrown around. Is she crazy? Depressed? She needs help if things are that dark, deep or off the rails. She should not express her feelings of admiration, love or connection so deeply to so many, there must be inappropriate things going on. She’s so angry. She’s too happy. She feels too much for too many.

I struggle. Between being the natural me that can express the orgasmic moment of eating a fresh cherry, how my heart fills at conversation, how kindness can touch my soul, cruelty rips at me.
And the me that feels the need to shrink, loose color so as to not make others uncomfortable, misunderstand or be able to make imaginary things out of what I say or write.

I have been shown both of these things. I have been told my expression as admirable, welcome, anticipated, appreciated.
I have had to face that these same words can be twisted, weaponized, used against me and others. Used to question intent because I express in big, deep colourful and powerful language.

I am me. I mean no harm. I find love and life to have many shades, I will not apologize for that.
I should not have to apologize for what’s in my head, for what I want/need to share. Yet today…….

Today I question. I question how and to whom I share. I question what is heard and interpreted. I feel myself watering down my expression of love for my Village, even though those feelings stay bold. Diluting the descriptions of my experience, I feel like I’m receding,
even though the quote that speaks to me is
‘I must write to empty my head or I shall surely go mad’ – Byron