Growing Pains

You wake up one morning and feel it. 

You can’t ignore it any more You’ve been talking a great game – but action? Nah, fear holds you back. 

This morning I knew- what I thought had been a Phoenix rising moment for me a few years ago was completely false. There was only rising on wax wings. 

It was just the real beginning of my Tower collapse ( those of you familiar with Tarot will get the reference).

Aspects of my self had started emerging. Other pieces ripped away. Continually masks being pulled off. People moving in and out and around my life with alarming speed. Facilitating much creation, joy and destruction, grief. Wonderful things introduced to explore, teased and then taken away. My darkness and light mixing like ink and water. 

This last 8 months especially, I have felt raw. Pulled open, heart dissected. No skin, no face. A collection of demons, damage, scars, pain, faith, love, humility, inquisitiveness, hope and beauty. 

I jumped deep into exploring my Faith, Beliefs, Myself. Looking for reflections of myself in the things around me. Not always liking what I see. Falling deeply in love with who I want to be, and bringing her to life. This work is hard. This work is lonely. 

I still want my Village 

I still want my Circle

to celebrate and work with.

 But first I must find my Village within. My circle around myself. No one will accept me as I am, until I accept myself. 
It is not a straight line. It is ongoing. 

I am love. I am light. I am dark. I am sadness. I am joyful. I am powerful. I am weak. I am intense. I am needy. I am giving. I am compassion. I am empathy. I am love. I am broken. I am whole. I see the best in myself. I see the best in others. 
I have talents, gifts, knowledge and love to share. 

The fire is burning bright. The ashes will scatter. And finally the imperfect Phoenix will begin to rise.