sOmber

Do we know the hour it comes?

Or is it always a little bit of a surprise

Like finding the sweet spot

There’s a general idea of location

But when it’s found

All reason leaves

And it takes your breath away

Is this what death is like?

My nervous system reacts.

Not only to the immediate moment

but to all the ‘moments’ that came before. Moments that were never healed.

Moments there were no breaks from.

I do not welcome this.

It’s not an overreaction to the now

It’s safety training stuck in high alert

Bind me in loving restraints

Tell me I’m a good girl

My nervous system reacts
Safely in the moment
Releasing some of the moments that came before
Healed
Breaking
I welcome this
It’s opening into the now
Safely retraining dialling down the alert
Bind me in loving restraints
Tell me I’m a good girl

Midnight Need

I stirred to you whispering my true name.

The resonance of your voice working its way through my body like warm honey

The name no one knows

The sacred

Melting my will

Do not let me leave this dream

I welcome you wholly

In this liminal space I feel

You

Inside

The taste of you

Driving my hunger

Burning from within

Hold me down here

I beg

The dawn is breaking

You fade like mist

Leaving me with a want

That may never be satisfied

She

I flirt with her

We get so close, I feel her heart beat. So different than my own, it’s sure, steady, strong. She is a warrior. Her stillness is intoxicating, it fills me with want.

I tell myself a story, imagining what it would be like to have that from the inside. To inhabit such a creature, who is all at once wild chaos, yet very much in controlled command.

I flirt with her

I bring her close, we play reveal and I run. Looking at her through the glass, she is brandishing her sword. Ready for battle, ready for play. Her marks show up on my skin to remind me.

Dark swirls, symbols of memory, power and the stamp of ownership. Her voice is power, echoing in my head- my own unsteady as it passes through my lips. Unsure, I bow to that which is around me.

I flirt with her

I want to be consumed. Reborn through her body and soul. Confident, soft flesh, yielding and revealing. Open yet showing nothing to the undeserving. How can we be so different? Yet one

We flirt, each time we get closer to melding, for a moment I see through her eyes, her voice begins to sing through my lips. Fear clenches my teeth, unsure, I bow to that which is around me.

She is moving closer to the surface, her magic is written on me, no longer will she be contained. The most powerful monster to defeat is my own fear. The fear of truly feeling her within me.

Becoming one and losing myself. Unleashing that which has always been, buried under false expectations, wounds and masks of identity. Fear of not knowing her, yet so completely sure that she is what I want.

I flirt with her intensely, she begins to look back at me through the glass. Compassionate wild eyes. A spine of steel. Waiting to embrace me with the strength that has held me through so much. I allow her power to sit low inside me, hot humming passion and rage.

I close my eyes. To feel her. To feel me. The purpose in her breathe moving into mine. The strength of her heart echoing through each beat of my own

We flirt. We dance. We embrace so wholly her ancient power melts into my own passion. Awakening Accepting that this internal affair may burn up life around me The ash affording the new growth