Tag: Massage Therapy

How Trauma Can Break the Nervous System (aka) Why (Good) Body Work is Important

I have anxiety and CPTSD.

I have spent the last 4 years digging deep trying to understand my mental health. To understand what has happened to me, what I can heal and what I need to learn to work with in a healthy way.

3 weeks ago we had a random event happen in our home that triggered a major anxiety CPTSD episode.

In the 3 weeks since I practiced all the things I have learned. Sleep, reduced sugar, no/reduced alcohol and caffeine, exercise, nature, massage and meditation. It has been slow going, some things more successful than others.

On the surface I believed I was systematically undoing the high alert that was tripped. My body had other ideas.

I have been with my massage therapist for about 5 years now. He is aware of the trauma I have experienced in life. He is mindful of the peaks and valleys of my mental health. I am grateful that he has compassion and understanding/intuition when to push and when not to.

Even when I am cavalier about wanting deeper work, he knows when to follow his intuition rather than my verbal cues. It has become an integral component to my health.

The last couple of massages it was noted my neck was resisting the attempts to soften it up. This week was by far being the worst my neck has been in a long time.

I did my home care right after the session ( a habit I’m working on building), gentle stretch, warm shower, lots of water. About an hour or so later I felt it ‘let go’. This can be very common after a treatment and one you want to make sure your clients are aware of.

It is a warm feeling like no other. It’s like the muscles get the message through to the nervous system that it doesn’t need to be so hyper vigilant. My shoulders dropped with a big sigh. There was a moment of peace, of deep relief. One I feel in various ways after almost every massage.

One of the other things the body can do when releasing a hyper vigilant state is become violently ill. The exhaustion from masking, fighting, and just trying to pull off day to day lands like brick. The chemicals that my body produces to keep me in that state are making hard for the happy calm chemicals to take hold.

This does not happen as often as it used to, like when I first started getting regular massage. But this time was different

It took about an hour and a half for the blinding migraine to take over, another 15 minutes before my body purged everything and dropped me into a dead sleep.

I felt a little better when I woke up. Ate lightly, medicated heavily ( THC candy and advil) and wrapped my head in ice as the pain once again crested.

Times being what they are ( and a friend I had been with recently testing positive) I took a Covid test the next day. It came back negative. But that is not to say in my crashed state I don’t have it. I’m vaxxed and boosted so maybe not enough to show up on the test, I am now on day 3 of the migraine but I’m quarantining like it’s Covid. Also because I don’t have the energy for interaction.

The pain has just become a lightening bolt between my eyes. I feel like I’ve been driven over, ridden down the rapids and hung to dry. This is much better than Wednesday afternoon. I had been deeper into that vigilant state than I realized.

Sleep has been my friend. Today I could tolerate light for more than a few minutes. So that’s a win.

I’m doing my best not to feel guilty for just lying in the dark for the last few days. There was tears, weird dreams and exhausted pain. My body needed to purge poison from long ago, poison that was kickstarted a few weeks ago. I could not push my body or mind to do more than basics, there was no way I could/should work.

I am horrified, intrigued and grateful all at the same time. I’ve been able to journal some today. I can feel something uncoiling still.

Often with trauma we loose connection with our bodies, but they store everything. A skilled therapist helps ground you and reconnect to the present. Also helping to release pain that is tied to mental monsters.

I am grateful for what the massage kick started. Even though I feel like shit. I feel connected to myself. I know that this is part of the healing and I must honour the process.

But most of all, I’m going to honour myself by sleeping a little more and treating myself gently over the next few days so I can get back to my life. A little freer, wiser and a little lighter.

An Open Letter to My Massage Friends and Clients

To All my Therapist Friends, and anyone who misses massage
One of the things I have noticed having been in this field for such a long time is that there is a general quality most therapists have, we genuinely want to help people. We want to see people be a better version of themselves. We want to do the best we can for them. I am proud that the therapists I know are extremely diligent in their client care. They are well educated, compassionate people. But we are very human too.
When we were first asked to close because of the pandemic, there was much fear about our practices, our clients, our finances. How long would this last? What were we going to do? How would we, and by extension, our clients manage?
We adapted
In that time since we shuttered I have talked with many of the therapists I know. Many set up contact with their regular clients, keeping up with check ins and reminders of self care. Many are trying to calmly just wait it out. Many are just in limbo, doing the best they can. We talked of how we were feeling, the frustration at not being able to work, concern about finance, wanting to be out in the world. Hoping for a quick and secure resolution.
We are now facing something else, even more nerve wracking that what we were facing a mere eight weeks ago. The anxiety, fear and anger is palpable.
The powers that be, feel we are ready to start opening, slowly. Our profession is slated as ‘phase 2’. This announcement first brought with it some hurt prideful feelings, how were we not considered as important as hairstylists (somehow they are in phase 1). Even client’s of mine were wondering why we weren’t given the same priority as physios and such. Then there was a collective pause.
We see many of those slated for the first wave of opening are asking why? Shouldn’t we wait longer? Is it really safe? Others are relieved to be able to start getting out in the world. But in the same breath we are told we are going to start opening up, we are told that not all the symptoms are as they appear, we are to maintain social distancing, there will be a second wave that threatens to be much worse than the first wave. Can we really trust the majority of the public will be responsible with social distancing and general common sense?
The numbers have not spiked in an uncontrollable way. But there has been no significant decrease either. On paper it looks to be on the rise, but the math must be considered. There is more testing available, we must also look at the number of resolved cases and of that, the percentage of fatal cases. But this brings little comfort, with the din of all other mixed messages. Pictures of unsafe gatherings of people, people protesting to have things of convenience reopen. The community spread that has become more prevalent.
There is no clear plan of how we practice safely, for ourselves and our clients. Are we going to be forced to practice? If we personally choose to wait will the government cut aid off? Is it worth it? Will people come back?
There is no specific answer to even the simplest of questions. Colleagues have been directed to watch the training for what nurses need to observe for physical safety to work with people. From what I have seen, I am not even sure when that would be available, how to locate the approved type or what the cost of that kind of PPE would be. Not to mention that it would not be conducive to an effective massage at all.The fear is understandable, we work, for an extended period of time, in very close proximity to our clients. So now we wait, we wait to see how the early and first phase roll out. There will be much to learn here. Much to consider.
The only thing I can say, is trust your gut my therapist friends. Follow the science, use your best judgment. When or if you choose to work, follow the rules, keep everything clean. Some of us will go back to work as soon as the green light hits.Some of us will ease back into it.Some of us will wait.Some of us may not come back.
Let’s support each other. Do not judge another for their choice to work, wait or not. Pass helpful information. Be understanding of the fear and anxiety. Most of all be safe.
Take care my friends