My nervous system reacts.

Not only to the immediate moment

but to all the ‘moments’ that came before. Moments that were never healed.

Moments there were no breaks from.

I do not welcome this.

It’s not an overreaction to the now

It’s safety training stuck in high alert

Bind me in loving restraints

Tell me I’m a good girl

My nervous system reacts
Safely in the moment
Releasing some of the moments that came before
Healed
Breaking
I welcome this
It’s opening into the now
Safely retraining dialling down the alert
Bind me in loving restraints
Tell me I’m a good girl

The Night Before

a birthday poem

Forty six years ago, on the night before, what did you think? Could you tell I was coming? Were you excited? Worried? I know so little……. Did you know you were having a girl? Did you have other names picked out? Did you dream of the person you’d hope I’d be?

Forty six years later on the night before, what do I think? Do I know where I am going? Am I excited? Worried? I know so little……. Do I even yet, feel like a full grown woman? Do I embody my name, my roles? Am I the person I dreamt I’d be?