Category: Uncategorized

Dream Lover

I stirred to you whispering my true name.
The resonance of your voice working its way through my body like warm honey
The name no one knows
The sacred
Melting my will
Do not let me leave this dream
I welcome you wholly
In this liminal space I feel
You
Inside
The taste of you
Driving my hunger
Burning from within
Hold me down here
I beg
The dawn is breaking
You fade like mist
Leaving me with a want
That may never be satisfied

Goodbye Moon

The Moon is full 

I’m trying to write your goodbye. 

I can’t. 

I can’t speak those definitive words 

How do I sum up the picture of you? 

How do I explain what you gave and now what is lost? 

I look to the Moon. She knows you too. 

She’s full, holding memories of time,

Laughter, tears, ridiculous philosophical conversations, spaces safe from the horrors and energetic adventures. 

I can’t write your goodbye 

It seems wrong, inaccurate  

How do I sum up the hole you’ve left me 

How do I explain all that will be missed? 

Maybe the Moon will tell you 

Cursed

You made my name into a curse 

May it burn bitter on your lips 

Each letter of my name 

leaving little slices in your throat 

Self inflicted poison 

festering in each wound 

Every time you utter my name in anger or harm 

It shall return to you swift, precise, marfach 

Remember in the dark of night 

You, made my name into a curse 

Turning Wheel

I remind myself to breathe 

Slowly 

Fully 

The Wheel will turn 

I close my eyes 

Remember 

I’ve been here before 

The dark of night 

The grumblings of the monsters 

Mixed with the steady chant of 

The warrior 

I try to grasp her hand 

It feels just out of reach 

I remind myself to breathe 

Slowly 

Fully 

The Wheel will turn 

Unbecoming

This morning I stood in the 

Cold 

Quiet 

Stillness 

I thought I felt

Peace 

I felt my heart 

Pounding 

The scream

Bubbled up from the depths 

All around me the neighbourhood dogs

Howled 

In communion 

The Gods trying to rip light 

Through the darkness I’m 

Stuck in 

This past year is reducing me to 

My most

Primal self 

Let her burn 

After You Were Gone

I keep looking 

The random message you’d send 

Checking in. 

A funny 

An inspiration of some sort 

The safe place I’d need for moments like this 

Talk of shenanigans 

You are not there 

I have to keep to stopping myself 

From sending the funny thing 

The random observation 

Checking in to see how you are 

You are not there 

I came to count on you 

As family 

My heart is broken 

There’s so much in my life 

Because of you 

Today that is a painful comfort 

You are not here

Tell Me

My nervous system reacts.
Not only to the immediate moment
but to all the ‘moments’ that came before. Moments that were never healed.
Moments there were no breaks from.
I do not welcome this.
It’s not an overreaction to the now
It’s safety training stuck in high alert
Bind me in loving restraints
Tell me I’m a good girl

My nervous system reacts
Safely in the moment
Releasing some of the moments that came before
Healed
Breaking
I welcome this
It’s opening into the now
Safely retraining dialling down the alert
Bind me in loving restraints
Tell me I’m a good girl

Duality

I’m watching the rain in the sun.
Wrestling with my brain.
How appropriate that it’s raining, the sun is shining
I want to apologize
To you
To myself
I am disappointed at the compromises
Of self
I have made
I’m making plans to be better
As I sink
I return to ‘her’
I want to be me
The one I think you see
The unfuzzy
The unmasked
I want to apologize
To you
To myself
I’m watching the sun in the rain
Wrestling with my heart
How appropriate the sun is shining in the falling rain