Alberta Politics

*I originally published this on the eve of our provincial election. I am republishing this, because some fears written here have become realized, some may be to come. I want to inspire my readers to be active, stand up, speak loud and remind the government WHO THEY WORK FOR!!!!

An open letter my my Family, Friends, Tribe, Village, Community, Province – including the UPC and Mr. Kenny

I have been an Albertan my whole life, born and raised here in Cowtown. Surrounded by hard working farm communities, and yes the oil patch. There has always been the pervading Good Old Boy mentality here, it is one that has always been in the background within my own community, however the folks I am surrounded with are giving, loving and community minded. We never let the perceived mentality stop us from being inclusive, kind and wanting to strive for better. This is still my hope for the future.

Here we sit the day after a contemptuous election. I must say, I am embarrassed by our descent into American type rhetoric and name calling, the Us vs Them mentality that saw horrid graffiti and out right threats to marginalize whole communities. Ideally to the winner of such a contest one would want to say that you ran a good campaign. But UPC/Kenny, you did not. You ran an american type, inflammatory bullying rally that now has many concerned citizens rightly afraid for their kids, their jobs, their healthcare and their education. Big business is thrilled, promising the return of the oil patch was a great play, a reminder of glory days, but we can’t build a future on memories. Pretending that you can fight the feds on taxes and pipelines is an expensive pipe dream.

UPC/Kenny, I did not vote for you, you did not pass my job interview, however you got in. Remember YOU ALSO WORK FOR ME NOW, your bosses are NOT the big companies, your cronies or just the people that bought into your campaign. YOU ARE PUBLIC SERVANTS, this means you must also represent me and my concerns, we must find away to work together to build a better future for what is to come.

So expect that if you are going to try to set back or dismantle the forward progression of our education system you will need to answer to me, one of your many bosses.

If you are going to pull apart our already fragile healthcare system to create business opportunities for corporations rather than really looking at and taking care of the health concerns of the public you again must answer to me, one of your many bosses.

If you are going to put any child in danger by ignoring their right to privacy because your religion tells you too, as your boss I would like to remind you religion has NO place in politics. And again you will have to answer to me, one of your many bosses.

I would also like to remind you there are far more than a single religion in this province, and each needs to be respected, no more my God is better than your Gods pissing contest. I know many Pagans, Christians, Muslims, Hindi and a plethora more are all very concerned what much of your election rhetoric has brought forward. I see the vile ooze that your bigotry toward the LGBTQ community has brought. So UPC/Kenny, since you now also work for me, and these communities too, that are all very vital and important contributing members of our society, may I suggest that as one of the first items on your list of things to do your first week of work is try to come up with a plan to build the bridges your campaign destroyed. Denounce the people who aim to disenfranchise and threaten these communities. Show us that you are worthy of the position, that you aim to work for all of Alberta.

For better or worse YOU WORK FOR ALL OF US now. You will be held accountable.

I hope that all of my other friends and community members whom supported you know that I love them, I support their growth and safety to, just not at the cost of others. So let’s put aside this Us vs Them and truly look at building up our communities, cities and province, to lead by example for inclusion, forward education thinking and diversified economic growth.

Love your neighbour, look out for your neighbour.

Flowers Blooming, for Lily

So bittersweet, the moment was.

You called for me.

That sweet face, my little baby girl peering out at me with glistening eyes. Mama, I need you.

Earlier, your eyes glinted with exasperation when I offered to help you with your hair. You’re old enough, you don’t need me. You can do it all yourself.

A while later, you caught my eye, I saw your face. You mouthed the words, to come with you. So vulnerable you looked.

I hold your cherished face in my hands. Wiped your shocked and surprised tears. Reassuring tones from my heart to yours. Yes, my sweet, a little piece of childhood is done, but it will be ok.

I feel the little piece of ice pierce my heart.

My baby, my baby. My heart.

Now before me, no longer the child playing with dolls.

But the beginnings of a young lady. We can not go back from here.

You still reach for me. My baby. You are crossing a threshold, we acknowledge together. You squeeze my hand. And thank me, for helping you feel safe, loved and supported. I am grateful that this is how you feel entering this transitional moment. That this is the space we have created together.

I wanted to cry, to lament, please bring back my baby, what if there were things I did not teach, what if I missed important things. How is it over so quick?! How can I guide her when I’m not ready?!

Yet….. My heart swells with pride, this sweet, funny, talented, kind, young lady was growing into her promise as a human. Gracefully, inquisitively, loved.

But my babe you will always be, in the eyes of the woman you will become.

❤️

Motivate me please

This morning, while I drink my coffee I am trying to understand motivation. What motivates people to do what they do. Not the lifestyle stuff, eating well, exercise etc, but the motivation to be kind, mindful, or cruel, deceitful, helpful, or harmful.
Is there pleasure derived from being mean? causing harm? creating oppression? disconnection?

I know in nature animals will lash out when they feel threatened or are in pain. Aside from humans (and the occasional cat), very few species cruelly toy with each other for sport.

I think back over my life and all the experiences I have had. For better or worse, it seems to keep me more determined to be kind, thoughtful, engaged to truly see someone, to lend a hand, keep my heart open and to trust. I look at what I can be met with here, often it is joy, connection, creativity, challenge, growth, support. (my village❤️❤️)
But lately, my mission if you will, has lead me to the hard truths that my open heart, excitement, passion for connection, kindness, compassion will be misread, twisted, ignored, or turned back upon me to wound. This creates feelings of stupidity, sadness, and the wounded feel of trust being destroyed. It is here I get the urge, the urge to ‘be like everyone else’……

So what motivates me? To be seen. Not in a glorious, celebrity way, exalted, and worshipped. But to be seen for my heart, the love I offer to all, to be understood, my wounds, scars, how that has shaped me, recognized that I am far from perfect, but that I, like I believe most, just want to connect.

I am motivated by seeing the smile on someones face when they achieve something big for themselves.

I am motivated by seeing hope light someones eyes, where it was dim before.

I am motivated by the direct connection of a hug or holding someones hand, feeling the energy move between us. That direct link.

I am motivated by the relief on someone’s face when they realize that they are seen, accepted.

I am motivated to see the way I want to be seen, as a whole, flawed, worthy of compassion, love and understanding, creative being, waiting to connect.

I am motivated by love.

How do I love thee?

What is Love? As a noun- (1)profoundly tender, passionate affection for someone. (2) A feeling of warm, deep affection, personal attachment, parent, child or friend (3) sexual passion (4) A term of endearment or affection

It is a powerful word, yet too often thrown away on the wrong things. Do you really love the sweater that you saw in the shop window? Thrown in with a few ‘air kisses’ love ya!!! Easy to overuse and dismiss. But when you really say it and mean it, who is it for? Why?How does it make you feel when it is said to you?

The first love I really remember experiencing was that for my Mom and my Nanna. How do I know this is my first recognized love? By the utter hole it left when they both died. I could not breathe, I deflated, I lost a beat or two of my own heart. Family love, the first ties that bind.

My first romantic love came when I was young, all of 14. This was big, tingly and overwhelming. We often tell our children that their first relationship is not ‘real’ love. But in looking back, I have a very different opinion. Is it the way I experience love with my husband? No, not exactly but in some ways it is. With both, the pulse quickens, there is an excitement (that would be the addition of sexual desire), a comfort and shelter that I feel. I think that romantic love is a fluctuating balance of sexual desire and deep, profound, tender, passion and affection. The difference between that first love and the love I have now, is it’s ability to weather storms, to ride out the fluctuations that come with how life rolls. I believe this comes with maturity to know that the feelings of sexual desire will fluctuate, and that should not be used as the only measure of romantic love. It is in the ability to have one another’s back, to forgive and at times hold accountable, it is the coffee ready first thing, and the encouragement to do and be better. I am blessed to have an incredible love, it has been strong, deep, and one we have maintained through storms and calm seas. It is one that I am home in, but still get all butterflies on date night. For that I am very lucky.

I knew pure love the moment I looked at my son, and later on, my daughter. It is like a blinding white light. The depth is overwhelming, The hold it has is soul deep. This happens periodically even to this day, my son is grown and my daughter is 10. There will be just a moment I take to observe, they won’t really be doing anything special, eating dinner, laughing over a joke or telling a story about their day, and the tremor of this love bursts it’s pure white light out, it’s blinding flash gone in a second, but it is always there under the surface.

Love of the friendship kind. This one is tricky. It is easier to express to some more than others. Each one has a depth and meaning all it’s own. I truly love the people of my inner circle. My best friend of 3/4 of my life is someone I love deeply. We have been through so much, fought hard, but when the chips are down, I know she will have my back, as I would hers. She is the keeper of the record of my growth as a human. She is the best and worst judge of me. She is a part of me. There are others in my inner circle, my tribe of women who are funny, inspiring, human, messy, bright, and ferocious. I love them so very much. I am moved by what they accomplish. I am moved by the ways in which they support each other and the ways they support me. Though the women far out number the men in my inner circle, those who are there, are there for very good reason. And yes, I have a warm attachment love for them as well. They are smart, they are strong, willing, kind, humour filled people, that represent such wonderful examples of husbands, brothers, fathers, friends, They inspire and teach me from a perspective that is largely unknown to me.

I have loved pets, to this day, I get teary over each one lost to the rainbow bridge. They each have a space in my heart for the connection we still share. There are two that stand out for the depth of love and loyalty they gave me, and the depth of love and loyalty I needed to give. My dog Princess, she saw me through one of the worst periods of my young life. My familiar, my black prince of a cat Lestat. He found his way to me, when I needed unconditional love the most. For 18 years that sassy cat appointed himself my guardian, as he did with my daughter until she was 2. I mourn him everyday.

To be on the receiving end of any of the loves, having been someones child, I know that soul pull now from both ends. My mothers love was warm, light, and for a time very safe. My Nanna’s love was the same in it’s brightness and warmth. When my children hug me, or tell the way I have moved or inspired them, well, there are no words to describe that pure moment of receiving your child’s connected love. To give love romantically, with abandon, is joy, but to receive. It can be so enveloping, safe. Add to that the spark and passion of ongoing sexual desire and chemistry and it is no wonder the butterflies still go crazy. The bonded love of a pet, there is no other, even when they sleep on your face, eat your sandwich or throw up on the carpet. The nuzzle, lick and perfectly timed snuggle is worth it every time.

But there is one love I have not touched. It is the love of self. This I believe is the hardest to achieve with out condition. This is one my anxiety has diminished in me, at times, taken it away. It is an easy one to preach, but a truly hard one to live. Large ego and narcissistic behaviour often gets referred to as ‘really loving ones self’. I disagree, I think large ego and narcissistic behaviour mask self loathing. True love of one’s self also includes acknowledging accountability, being willing to learn, playing the strengths while working with the weaknesses. Celebrating one’s victories and success, but not at the cost of another. This, well, this is where the love work really lies.

It is my practice to tell people how they affect me. When I love, adore, appreciate, am inspired by, or feel gratitude toward someone, well, I let them know. Sometimes it comes across like an unintentional freight train and it freaks some people out. That’s a thing for me to work on, but honestly, I react, describe things how I feel in that moment. And in that moment it probably is big. I will let them know why. I think this is important. Interestingly enough this generally only applies to good stuff. When it is not so good, it takes me a long, long time. This has some good benefits, and some serious drawbacks. Again, an ongoing case by case lesson. I like to know how I have affected someone. It helps me to learn, learn what I am good at, learn what I need to work on. And it really is a good building block for working on the self love area.

What is love?