Category: bus stop poems

Empty

There are no heroes 

There is no one to admire 

Pretty Art 

Is better 

Anonymous 

Can not trust a stranger 

Can not trust a known 

Can not believe the poetry from your lips 

Disguising the monster 

There are no heroes 

There is no one with out a mask 

An honest heart 

The words I love that built worlds in my mind 

Have tainted 

My own heart and awakened a distrust 

I long thought healed 

Martyr

The shards of my heart that were broken by a thousand little things

The shards I thought I had adequately glued back together with

Gratitude

Breath 

Self reliance

And other illusions 

Those broken pieces feel like they are cutting through me

Disappointments 

Creative endeavours ignored or shelved 

Words unheard

Words unread

Grief unhinged

Starvation of the soul

Losses of time and people

Emotions stepped on

Unconsidered

Unseen

Words stick in my throat

Fear of expressing

Pain

Overwhelm

The weight of all things in my head

To be called a martyr 

Blamed

Shunned

No one ever asking why or where it started

I’ll give you something to cry about

Its not that bad

Grow up

Someone has it worse

You asked for it

What did you think was going to happen

You always figure it out

I can’t stand you when you’re like this

Too much

Too ugly 

Tell Me Something Good

Frustration

To know the damage lies so deep 

Feeling is muted

Wanting so bad to be see

Validated

Deemed worthy

That when I am

When the love is shown

The recognition that 

I am

Worthy

Appreciated

Loved

Valid to have space

I

Can’t

Feel

It

I want to hold it like a little bird- so delicate, close to my heart, only for me

But I need to hold it up and show others around me

See

Do you see?

I am worthy

Tell me, Tell me you see

Because 

I 

Can’t 

Feel 

It

Frustration, scar tissue so thick

It will never be enough

That is the echo

How can I work through this

When 

I 

Don’t 

Know

How

It

Feels

String Theory

It is a series of threads

Each anchored to me

Reaching out into the world

Never the same direction

At my feet lay the broken ones

Ends frayed, some bloody, some burnt

Others pulled taut to the point of pain

The looseness of a few, tripping me up

The movement of some pulling me along

The rigidity of some holding me in place

Some I can see- some move off into the ether where I can not see, just feel

It’s is a series of threads

Supporting

Letting go

Am I bound

Am I the make up of all theses things woven together

Am I the spool underneath this tangled mass

It is a series of threads

She

I flirt with her

We get so close, I feel her heart beat. So different than my own, it’s sure, steady, strong. She is a warrior. Her stillness is intoxicating, it fills me with want.

I tell myself a story, imagining what it would be like to have that from the inside. To inhabit such a creature, who is all at once wild chaos, yet very much in controlled command.

I flirt with her

I bring her close, we play reveal and I run. Looking at her through the glass, she is brandishing her sword. Ready for battle, ready for play. Her marks show up on my skin to remind me.

Dark swirls, symbols of memory, power and the stamp of ownership. Her voice is power, echoing in my head- my own unsteady as it passes through my lips. Unsure, I bow to that which is around me.

I flirt with her

I want to be consumed. Reborn through her body and soul. Confident, soft flesh, yielding and revealing. Open yet showing nothing to the undeserving. How can we be so different? Yet one

We flirt, each time we get closer to melding, for a moment I see through her eyes, her voice begins to sing through my lips. Fear clenches my teeth, unsure, I bow to that which is around me.

She is moving closer to the surface, her magic is written on me, no longer will she be contained. The most powerful monster to defeat is my own fear. The fear of truly feeling her within me.

Becoming one and losing myself. Unleashing that which has always been, buried under false expectations, wounds and masks of identity. Fear of not knowing her, yet so completely sure that she is what I want.

I flirt with her intensely, she begins to look back at me through the glass. Compassionate wild eyes. A spine of steel. Waiting to embrace me with the strength that has held me through so much. I allow her power to sit low inside me, hot humming passion and rage.

I close my eyes. To feel her. To feel me. The purpose in her breathe moving into mine. The strength of her heart echoing through each beat of my own

We flirt. We dance. We embrace so wholly her ancient power melts into my own passion. Awakening Accepting that this internal affair may burn up life around me The ash affording the new growth

?Me!

What is the body?

Flesh Muscle Nerves Blood Bone

Is this me?

Does it just house what is me?

Spirit Soul Memory Wisdom Love

Is this me?

What happens to the body touches the spirit, soul, leaves a memory

The sensation of love

The creation of wisdom

Not all that happens to the flesh leaves a mark

On the soul spirit

Sex may just set the flesh on fire but not deep longing/love in the soul

The body can be ‘perfect’ and house a twisted broken spirit soul

The body can be ‘broken’ and house in incredibly wise, beautiful, soul spirit

They are temporarily bound together

Each very separate but needed to create the whole

This is me

Containment Disaster

I search for stillness

There is fire burning with in

But the noise keeps the heat contained

It’s burning like a fever

To fuck

To create

To run screaming searching for an entry to the Ether

I search for stillness

The fire threatens an explosion but the noise and distractions don’t stop

Embers become white hot

Being dissolved from the inside

So much to get out

Words, feelings, colour

Need to touch, speak, release

This is not living when the spirit is contained ignited and starving for space and oxygen

Shame- a fucking poem

Fuck you for misunderstanding me with out forgiveness

Fuck you for not trusting your place in my life

Fuck you for thinking I was not worthy of growth

Fuck you for wanting me to stay at your beck and call

Fuck you for pretending I mattered as a person 

Fuck you for expecting me to be your lapdog

Fuck you for your unacknowledged issues

Fuck you for being ok knocking me down

Fuck you for demanding I give things up that were making me happy

Fuck you for walking away

Fuck you for withdrawing your support

Fuck you for waking the unworthy feelings buried inside me

Fuck you for standing by while my mental health fell apart

Fuck you for deciding it was ok because I gave you your way

Fuck you for gaslighting me

Fuck you for not helping me get better 

Fuck you for being passive as long as I behave 

Fuck you for your lack of care for my pain

Fuck you for not being sorry

Fuck you for being angry 

Fuck you for being jealous

Fuck you engaging me and walking without explanation

Fuck you for breaking my trust

Fuck you for silence

Fuck you for not listening 

Fuck you for judging me

Fuck you for not caring

Fuck you for your possession

Fuck you for your temper

Fuck you for the guilt

Fuck you for the pain this has caused

Fuck you for the apology I will never get

Fuck you for your expectations

Fuck you for the sabotage

Fuck you for the fake support

Fuck you for every anxiety attack that grew from this poison

Fuck you for your lack of kindness

Fuck you for your lack of compassion 

Fuck you for waking up parts that were asleep

Fuck you for the binding

Fuck you for being a liar

Fuck you for letting me take the blame for everything

Fuck you for being ok that I gave up

Fuck you for the space this take up in my head

Fuck you for giving the monsters more fuel

Fuck you for shaming me for who I was growing into 

Fuck you for every tear I have cried

Fuck me for falling for it

Fuck me for taking the easy out

Fuck me for giving up

Fuck me for being silent

Fuck me for wearing shame like a cloak

Fuck me for trusting

Fuck me for not using my voice

Fuck me for giving up after trying my voice a little

Fuck me for only screaming in my head

Fuck me for fearing getting mad

Fuck me for being afraid of being abandoned

Fuck me for needing to be seen

Fuck me for being stuck in this place

Fuck me for believing in loyalty

Fuck me for not thinking I matter

Fuck me for not feeling strong enough to grow on my own

Fuck me for my lack of self love

Fuck me for my abundance of self loathing

Fuck me for expecting I mattered enough to apologize to

Fuck me for willingly taking all the responsibility 

Fuck me for hoping that someone would notice

Fuck me for shrinking inside

Fuck me for rebuilding my prison 

Fuck me for not being able to trust

Fuck me for not placing the good things above this

Fuck me for every tear I choked on because 

Fuck me for patterned self sabotage 

Fuck me for not screaming FUCK YOU