You can’t breathe
The bottom falls out of your stomach
Bile rises in your throat
Thoughts turn to fog
Eyes fill with tears
You try your tools
Distraction- can’t focus
Jaw clenches
Muscles turn to armour
Knots appear
Communication becomes harder
The prison locks down in your mind
You rationally know it is ridiculous
Reach out?
To who- not wanting to sound dramatic…
put out a couple of ‘hey how are you? feelers’
No reply
You try (again not to be dramatic and give into the screaming in your head)
conversation, but you aren’t getting through, how you’re feeling, what is burning up your skull
Words are lost, feeling stupid and overwrought
Fuck
Everything hurts
Down you go- like quicksand sucking at you.
Fight
Give in
Pain behind the eyes- frustrated headache
The twitches begin
Shut down, shut away
Phantom fear replacing the blood in your veins
The communication that did not immediately gratify with a reply-
you toss aside “it doesn’t (you don’t) matter anyway”- Monster chorus sings
Then from behind the prison gates you hear
“Patience, no one is at the ready, no one knows you’ve tripped up, someone will come, in time”
There is no time left you fear, the monsters are guarding the prison
Try to put it into words
On paper
what it’s like- as it is happening
Cold prickles move over skin.
Hitched breath
Fuck- Help
Leave me alone
Stay with me
Armour is tighter
Anywhere that had pain now sings with a fury
From behind the prison gates you hear a whisper
“It will pass, it always does”
But how long it will take is a mystery
The exhaustion that comes after is awful
But you pray for it now
So this hell will end
Standing Still at the Speed of Light 