Massage and Loyalty- a love letter

This morning while I was stretching out my grumpy shoulder I was thinking of my clients and how blessed I am for their loyalty and the care they reciprocate to me.
Some of them have been with me since the beginning, two decades ago. They have rallied to look after me with my chronic shoulder difficulty, chiding me if I over book. Knowing I make outside referrals from a place of love if I’m not capable of caring for them. But they stick by me.
Trust built -With some I know they find comfort in what we do. I have learned to read their bodies. I know the patterns of job stress, family stress and weekend warrior shenanigans. We have been with each other through so much of life. Birth, death, marriage, divorce, new jobs and ventures come and gone and retirement, it has been a journey I’ve taken with many and treasured each moment of grace and learning it provides.
With some it was hard won trust. They came broken, betrayed by circumstance, life, people. Not wanting to let anyone in. Not wanting touch but needing it so badly. But we stuck it through, they know I accept their scars, their history, the fear that they have in healing, in not ever healing. I have sat with them in darkness to offer what I could. I have watched as they have moved forward as best they can, I’m blown away and inspired by these people. I am honoured to have earned their trust, been a part of their personal healing. I do not carry any of this lightly.
These are the ones most concerned about my leaving the profession some day.
I always kind of understood that when you find the ‘match’- the one who learns to read the tissue, has the skill and the insight you stick with them. ‘There’s no one like you.’
I was, for most of my time in this field, a massage hopper. Try anyone once or twice, a good tune up here and there, pretty much all good but no ‘ connection’. Until the shoulder.
I have a long, sorted history, like most of you. There is traumatic memory deep within my body. There are things for the safety of my sanity my brain does not actively let me remember unless it needs to.
When I started getting signs in my shoulder of overuse, I really didn’t think much of it. I know a plethora of skilled RMTs to handle simple tendinitis……Only not so simple. Often the act of touch can awaken a sensory memory- and this was a treasure trove of awful.I was fortunate that the RMT who has guided me this far, has been able to build that trust, been kind, patient and understanding when I flinch, hold my breath, speak my fears, and just try to keep my body from hitting fight/flight mode as the areas of pain are soothed for another week.
I get it now, really. Some of my clients fear, when I said I have to cut back and it is always a possibility that I don’t have as many years left in my career as I’d like. Their fear of having to, but not wanting to, build that understanding and trust with another. Their want to keep me around as long as they can.
The thought of having to explain the origin, training the body and mind not to react with fear as the scar tissue gets worked. Building trust. Fear of judgment where we feel weak.I can understand that reluctance. I would never choose to have to go through some of the more fearful moments and what that brought up for me with anyone else ever again.
I am honoured by this trust, this faith that I can care for them. It is sacred to me.
As I stretched the grumpy shoulder out, measuring my schedule against how long it is until my own next treatment, I am resolved to do what I can, for as long as I can. Maybe it’s because I see both sides now. Maybe it’s just who I am.But for all those who have stuck with me and continue to do so. Know I do not take that lightly. Ever. ❤️💜